I feel like the momentous occasion of turning the big 3-0 deserved a least a small blog post. For whatever reason, I remember as a child, a photo of my dad when he turned 30. I thought that was SO SO SO OLD! He had both my sister and I with him. I must have been 3 or 4 and she was around 1. I thought, that must be what normal 30 year olds are like. They have 2 kids :). As I grew up, I didn't think too much about it. But once the baby bug hit, I decided that would be my dream come true. For two babies for Jason and I when we turned 30. What a better way to celebrate than with two adorable additions to our family?
After working a few years I had started to realize that this whole "baby" thing might be a tad harder than I imagined. First off, Jason was in Physical Therapy school, not able to work yet. So instead of a double income, we just had my income for living expenses as we steadily went into debt. My vision of a baby wasn't exactly having so much debt that Jason and I both had to work full time forever and ever just to make our monthly payments. I wanted the idyllic life of me staying at home with my baby, cooking, exercising, decorating, shopping, reading, watching tv, and whatever other fun things a stay at home mom did.
Well long story short, God provided in huge ways in various areas of our lives to let me have my "idyllic" life of being a stay at home mom of two kids - by age 30 no less! Now there were a few bumps in the road. For example, I didn't get to be with Lucy all day every day when she was a baby. I worked 30-35 hours a week from home for almost 2 years until we had Bridget. But we did pay off our debt (wahoo!) and now, I've been living the dream for about a year and half. I'll admit that my life isn't exactly the idyllic existence I thought it would be. Although I do cook some, I clean a whole lot more, and there's not much reading or watching TV going on. Exercise is heaven whenever I get to do it, but happens much rarer than I'd like. Decorating doesn't really exist because honestly, whatever I set out is at risk for breakage. Plus the space could be better used for things the kids enjoy doing. Instead of beautiful artwork, we have the ABCs taped to the wall with painters tape. Instead of a closet full of clothes, it's full of kids art supplies. Instead of flowers on the coffee table, we have a bin of library books. Instead of getting really excited about my own birthday, honestly I was way more excited about my kids birthdays this year. Instead of reading and thinking about how to better my career path and become a more knowledgeable and innovative marketer, my brain is now occupied with things like, "How do I teach my kids how to read?" "Do I really have what it takes to home school my kids?" "How do I convert recipes to be freezer recipes so I don't have to cook every night?" "How can I better organize my garage so the kids have more space to ride their bikes and play", the list goes on and on. Sometimes I miss the "old me" who was a driven career woman who brought in income for our family. The old me who worked out on a consistent basis. The old me whose hair always looked good. The old me who had time to put on makeup everyday. The old me who spent a fair amount of money on a wardrobe. Sometimes I actually pine for more "me time". Time to read, time to train for a half marathon, time to lose myself in a movie. Time to blog! But even more, I'm starting to appreciate the "new me". The new me who actually thinks about others before herself (mainly my kids). The new me who gets to spend an entire morning with my sick daughter, taking her to the doctor and getting her Rx filled - and not worry about work waiting for me the next day. The new me who can sacrifice a good nights rest for my kids. The new me who finds more joy in my kids experiencing new things, than in myself experiencing new things. This new life is transforming me. The Lord is using this home-with-my-two-small-kids time in my life to mold me, refine me, CHANGE ME. And boy do I need changing. Left to my own devices, I am completely selfish. He has shown me that there is something better. A life of giving, of praying for others, of caring, of serving. I still have a LONG way to go, but I'm so thankful that my God is the one in charge of my sanctification and not me.
I guess all of these things I've described is part of becoming a mom - is part of my life as I turn 30. I wouldn't have it any other way. I never want to forget this time in my life. I'm pretty sure it won't last forever, so I sure should write about it more often.
Here's a song that I want to be true in my life during this season:
"The Potter's Hand" - Hillsong Live
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Savior
I know for sure, all of my days are held in your hands, crafted
into your perfect plan
You gently call me into your presence guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life through Your eyes
I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know you're drawing me to yourself
Lead me Lord I pray
Take me, Mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hand
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hand