So I started this separate blog so I could be completely open and honest about what's been going on.... I've been feeling okay - not completely sick, but definitely not my normal self either. The best way i can describe it is semi-off/queasy. And I feel like this almost all the time. Luckily, I feel good enough to function like I did before. I can work, and even exercise, like I did for the first time in awhile today!
My hunger senses are kinda off too. Like most of the day I feel like I just ate a huge meal. Then, I will suddenly feel hungry and then eat. But then after that, I don't feel relief, I just feel super full and bloated like I did before. I think my main pregnancy symptoms are feeling tired/lethargic, feeling WAY bloated ALL the time (REALLY ANNOYING!), being burpy (eww! ) I feel like I always have air circulating through my body - so much so that I stopped drinking ALL sodas about a week ago. That did help significantly, but didn't get rid of the constant bloated feeling. The tiredness leads to a lot of weird stuff. For instance, my life has pretty much become all about boiling life down to the basics: working, eating, and sleeping. Everything else has just fallen by the wayside - things that used to be super important to me - like having a clean house, clean clothes, etc. I have just accepted can't happen all the time. Also, in order to get myself to do anything other than working, eating, and sleeping - it takes a HUGE amount of effort. It was really funny today because I was determined to go the gym - it had been awhile. So I got there, and it was raining, and instead of just running in, I laid back my seat and just laid there for like 20 minutes- totally unlike me. It literally took me like 20 minutes to get up the gumption to walk into the gym! Another thing I haven't done that I did before - blogging! I think it is because I don't feel like I am being completely honest - when I try to write about things (like going to the fair, or having girls weekend with my mom and sis) without mentioning the pregnancy at all. I'm not very good at keeping secrets - this is the longest I have ever kept anything to myself!
I should also talk about semi-awkward things about being pregnant and not being able to tell anyone. Let's see if I can remember everything. The first night we found out was a Saturday - and we had planned to go to the Aiken Brewery with some of Jason's PT friends. Well of course everyone at a brewery has beer - except me - I had to nonchalantly decline that one. P.S. I think I did make a few mistakes in my early early pregnancy - before I even knew that I was. First off, I had two glasses of wine for my birthday dinner at Kristen's house - at that point I was probably only 1 week along. Then, I went on a few hard-core runs, which I have decided that I won't do any more of - after lots of reading online and soul-searching about running while pregnant. But anyways, back to the awkward moments. The day after I found out - I had to go to Atlanta for the NMSDC Conference. While there, I got to hang out with my dad and kids, since my mom was in Atlanta with some of her friends. While at the conference, Kevin- a guy I work with asked me how long it would be until I would have kids - I don't even remember what I said, i just thought that was pretty ironic - lol. Then, a random pregnant lady at my conference lunch table asked me if I had any kids - also ironic. The next thing I can remember is that one day I was wearing a pink sweater dress that I had ordered from Target - it isn't a maternity dress - but had some room to grow in it. Well my friend Paul at work told me one day that he liked my dress and that it would make a great maternity dress...clarification - he wasn't trying to be rude, his wife just had a baby, and I think maybe now he knows what maternity clothes look like...also, ever since him and his wife had their baby, he has been telling me at work how awesome kids are and how Jason and I need to have one soon. So anyways, right in front of my other co-worker Stephanie, he brings this weird maternity clothes discussion up and I start blushing and just trying to get out of the discussion by saying we aren't ready to have kids yet! The whole time I was wondering if Jason had told him the news - because why else would be tell me my dress looked like a maternity dress? Also he had a very insinuating tone to his voice. Unfortunately, since I couldn't find a way out of the discussion and i was bright red, I threw poor Stephanie under the bus and told Paul - "well you should give Stephanie a hard time about getting married instead of me a hard time about having babies!" - well I really regretted that... poor Stephanie then had to defend herself too...Next random moment, after the Summit, Stephanie and Adam and I were about to leave and were talking in the parking lot. He was saying something about how cute his little boy is...blah blah, then I asked, "When is he going to get to be a big brother?" Then Adam said - well actually, in May! So Stephanie and I were really happy and excited for him and started asking how his wife Courtney was feeling, etc. We asked him why he hadn't told us yet and he said that they had kept it under wraps and were a little gun shy because they had a miscarriage on their first pregnancy at 10 weeks. Adam said that they had heard the baby's heartbeat and everything and still lost the pregnancy :( . Of course, that was NOT something that I needed to hear - haha. But anyways, it just felt weird to all be talking about Courtney's pregnancy while I was standing right there, pregnant too - but not saying anything.
Unfortunately, the miscarriage story led me to spend the whole night researching miscarriage rates and stuff - not the most fun way to spend the evening! It basically has led me to feel like I can't really get excited about having a baby until I get past the 10 week, or even the first trimester mark of 13 weeks - when the rates of miscarriage fall way down. I realize that I really need to put my complete faith and trust in God that everything will happen as he has planned it - but I still think I will feel somewhat relieved after the 10 week mark!
Last week, we had our Wellness Checks at the Marion Hatcher Center, and I was right there among my colleagues as I'm filling out all the paper work about my health. The screening consisted of taking blood, flu shot, basic check up, etc. When I was about to get my flu shot I had a fleeting thought that maybe my pregnancy would mean I shouldn't get a shot. I whispered to the nurse - so none of my co-workers could here - but I just found out I'm pregnant...should I get the shot? Then I said, but it's a secret - I haven't told anyone! She just smiled back at me and said congratulations and said that the shot would be good to have.
I also went and got fitted for my sister's bridesmaids dress. Her dress got discontinued on Nov. 13th, so I knew I had to order it before that. Knowing I HAD to order my dress was actually what prompted me to buy my pregnancy tests. It was kinda fun because I got to talk to the lady at the store about being pregnant, and how I just found out and all. She was excited for me. I guess I have told more strangers than friends at this point! Side note - of course, she happened to choose a dress that was completely fitted around the mid-section, so that dress should look absolutely dreadful on me come the end of next March! Oh well!
Finally, today at work - we had our company Thanksgiving lunch. As a tradition, we form a large circle and talk about the things we are thankful for. Well tons of people started talking about how they were thankful for babies. Adam announced that he was going to have his 2nd in May, Thomas from Finance announced he was going to become a first time dad in January, and a few others announced they were going to be grandparents soon. The whole time, I just thought that I was really thankful too (for the same thing)- even though I couldn't share it at the time :) .
So that's about it. I did call the doctor this week and will probably go in for my first appointment sometime next week or the following week. I really don't think I believe that I am pregnant yet - maybe going to the doctor and getting a real ultrasound will help me believe it more. When i think about the fact that a year from now, I could have a 4 month old, I get so excited and happy, that I then immediately think - that can't really be true, something might go wrong, don't get too excited... these are the thoughts that are constantly circulating in my brain. I really think I will have to start majorly showing - then I might "believe" it! I can sum it up by saying that in my 7th week I am extremely gassy, burpy, bloaty, sleepy....yeah that's about it!